Cover your ears and call the Jazz Police right now!
In this quadruple review I am going to expose brutal atrocities commited by ruthless organisations hiding behind insconspicious short names to the purity and innocence of Jazz. Get ready to cross your arms and frown in disgust! Precious Jazz, what have they done to you?
In this quadruple review I am going to expose brutal atrocities commited by ruthless organisations hiding behind insconspicious short names to the purity and innocence of Jazz. Get ready to cross your arms and frown in disgust! Precious Jazz, what have they done to you?
SUNCUTS - Collective Heliphobic Dream (2026)
I have to start with a confession: I've already known about this crime before it was officially released, but I just didn't find the time to report it. Does this make me complicit? Am I going to Jazz prison now, too? Please let me call my lawyer and complete my full statement first! Maybe we can work on a deal?
Suncuts is the Swiss / exile Russian trio of the perpetrators Maxime Hänsenberger on drums, Felipe Zenicola on bass and Anton Ponomarev (P/O Massacre, Teufelskeller) on saxophone and electronics. In utter disregard for their listeners' mental health they are combining chaotic Experimental Rock improvistaions with Extreme Metal outbursts, speaker-destroying Power Electronics and Harsh Noise and a disgraceful bastardization of Avantgarde Free Jazz.
This obviously unlawful album must contain forbidden addictive elements. Because despite knowing that this shouldn't be allowed I am still abnormally drawn to this "Collective Heliophobic Dream" (which is definitely a code for some illegal substance). If it's necessary to keep me out of jail, I will of course agree to go to Smooth Jazz rehab as a part of my deal. One again - I am so terribly sorry!
This obviously unlawful album must contain forbidden addictive elements. Because despite knowing that this shouldn't be allowed I am still abnormally drawn to this "Collective Heliophobic Dream" (which is definitely a code for some illegal substance). If it's necessary to keep me out of jail, I will of course agree to go to Smooth Jazz rehab as a part of my deal. One again - I am so terribly sorry!
JÜ- Rudel (CD) (2025?)
Is this posse also located in Switzerland, evading the Jazz jurisdiction of other European countries? Their new album "Rudel" sounds a little bit like that to me, because the vibe of the the actually Hungarian band's fourth album reminds me a lot of infamous Swiss Jazz Rock mob OM after their reunion.
Musically however their dangerous mixture of Jazz Rock, Free Jazz, Noise Rock, Prog, Afro-Beat and Arabisms is heavier and therefore possibly also a heavier crime. A lot of this could also be adequately described as sounding like one of Jörg Schneider's many collaborations, with a similarly manic drum insanity - only not as just a duo with one guitar player, but with an additional bass on top.
In favour of the defendants one could argue that in comparison to their previous work "III" this is purer, with less carefully planned ventures away from Jazz. Just the trio playing as if you had been kidnapped by them and they were jamming with you shackled in the middle in a smokey small dark room.
Still, this is of course far from automatically meeting the Jazz Police's standards for legal conformity. In addition to that the release in December 2025 is also dubious. Wenn I tried to get hold of the evidence directly from Hungary, my payment wasn't accepted by the dealer. I later ordered it from a retailer on ebay, waited for five or six weeks without any package arriving and immediately got a refund after asking about the CD's whereabouts. Only after a third try via an obviously better connected "enterprise" I got my hands on my copy. So finally, months later than intended I am finally ready to help the authorities' investigations if need be - which was of course always my plan as the subserviant Jazz State citizen I am.
Musically however their dangerous mixture of Jazz Rock, Free Jazz, Noise Rock, Prog, Afro-Beat and Arabisms is heavier and therefore possibly also a heavier crime. A lot of this could also be adequately described as sounding like one of Jörg Schneider's many collaborations, with a similarly manic drum insanity - only not as just a duo with one guitar player, but with an additional bass on top.
In favour of the defendants one could argue that in comparison to their previous work "III" this is purer, with less carefully planned ventures away from Jazz. Just the trio playing as if you had been kidnapped by them and they were jamming with you shackled in the middle in a smokey small dark room.
Still, this is of course far from automatically meeting the Jazz Police's standards for legal conformity. In addition to that the release in December 2025 is also dubious. Wenn I tried to get hold of the evidence directly from Hungary, my payment wasn't accepted by the dealer. I later ordered it from a retailer on ebay, waited for five or six weeks without any package arriving and immediately got a refund after asking about the CD's whereabouts. Only after a third try via an obviously better connected "enterprise" I got my hands on my copy. So finally, months later than intended I am finally ready to help the authorities' investigations if need be - which was of course always my plan as the subserviant Jazz State citizen I am.
TAUPE - Waxing | Waning (CD) (2026)
Producing proof was way easier in the case of the three-headed syndicate called Taupe from Glasgow, Scotland - where famously Jazz goes to die. Not my words! It's a common saying, you've heard it before. Well, anyway... I could get hold of this compact disc wrenching it directly from the main suspects for its manufacturing, immediately after those had wreaked havoc - probably forcing them to pay protection money - over an innocent bar in Tilburg, Netherlands, hiding under the bustle of Roadburn Festival, suspiciously acting under the mantly of an Offroad operation.
This disc documents similar activities in a studio, on which the trio of saxophone, guitar and drums follows the example of famous convicts like John Zorn or the Italian mafiosi Zu and blatantly mixes their already too wild and unseemly "not Jazz" with other Experimental Drone and Noise sounds and Math Rock out of all genres. This is scandalous! So should this information help to keep away harm from future Jazz audiences, I am glad to have been of service.
This disc documents similar activities in a studio, on which the trio of saxophone, guitar and drums follows the example of famous convicts like John Zorn or the Italian mafiosi Zu and blatantly mixes their already too wild and unseemly "not Jazz" with other Experimental Drone and Noise sounds and Math Rock out of all genres. This is scandalous! So should this information help to keep away harm from future Jazz audiences, I am glad to have been of service.
OCTO - Idyll (2026)
Oh no, shame on me! I actually thought I could warn you about an upcoming assault, but I must have memorized my informant's lead horribly - or time just flew by so fast while investigating the shockingly influentual Anti-Jazz underbelly of the music world -, because Octo's "Idyll" (what a maliciously misleading title!) has already been out in the open for one full month now!
It actually appears as if the release was originally planned for the end of May, but somehow moved to almost two months earlier. What happened? Where Octo already too suspicious, so they chose the flight forward?
Who knows? What's for sure is that out all the culprits in this report this German trio surely is the most insidious. They don't even claim to have anything to do with Jazz at all, masquerading as a Noise Rock band. Well gotcha!, the title of track number four, "Jazz Waffen Jemen" ("Jazz Weapons Yemen") tells another story!
Without that harrowing suspicion of conspiracy against Jazz this would actually be a pretty amazing, sophisticated but still direct and energetic album of heavy (almost) Instrumental Rock with sharp rhythmic edges and moments of Post Something greatness, performed on drums and two bass guitars. Great stuff - yet also a severe warning that crimes against Jazz can also be committed be deliquents completely devoid of any Jazz affiliations!
It actually appears as if the release was originally planned for the end of May, but somehow moved to almost two months earlier. What happened? Where Octo already too suspicious, so they chose the flight forward?
Who knows? What's for sure is that out all the culprits in this report this German trio surely is the most insidious. They don't even claim to have anything to do with Jazz at all, masquerading as a Noise Rock band. Well gotcha!, the title of track number four, "Jazz Waffen Jemen" ("Jazz Weapons Yemen") tells another story!
Without that harrowing suspicion of conspiracy against Jazz this would actually be a pretty amazing, sophisticated but still direct and energetic album of heavy (almost) Instrumental Rock with sharp rhythmic edges and moments of Post Something greatness, performed on drums and two bass guitars. Great stuff - yet also a severe warning that crimes against Jazz can also be committed be deliquents completely devoid of any Jazz affiliations!
THANK YOU VERY MUCH FOR YOUR ATTENTION!
Please keep a healthy distance from all these scam "artists" and don't support their blatant violation of the standardized regulations keeping Jazz safe and secure! Don't get blinded by the seemingly adventurous appeal of their releases or the colourful allure of their cover artworks!
It's a treacherous world out there with Jazz constantly under threat. Keep your mind alert and your ears protected! There is much more Jazz crime happening out there and I'm already digging into this year's biggest perp of them all. So if you're worried - you have every right to be, but please remember that I am always here to help!
It's a treacherous world out there with Jazz constantly under threat. Keep your mind alert and your ears protected! There is much more Jazz crime happening out there and I'm already digging into this year's biggest perp of them all. So if you're worried - you have every right to be, but please remember that I am always here to help!
